of plans and goals

Yesterday went really well...until dinner. I caved and had some leftover chili (500). Then I caved further and ate three cookies (675).

Zero calories all day long and then over a thousand all at once.

Sickening.

This morning I took the cookies that were left and I crumbled them up into the toilet. I didn't take a bite, even though I wanted to. I just crumbled them one by one and then flushed them away.

I meant to go to bed early last night so I could get up this morning and work out. Then I could work out again in the evening and get about 1000 calories burned. But I ended up sitting in front of my computer too exhausted to do anything, but too anxious and miserable to go to bed for waaaay too long. So when my alarm went off this morning, my response was quite literally "fuck that."

I am not a morning person.

Today I tried something new with my coffee. I like my plain tea ok, but I don't love it. And this morning I really didn't want plain tea. At all. I was running too late to make coffee, so I stopped at a coffeeshop and got a medium latte with skim milk. No syrup or anything. Just espresso and skim milk. Then I added 1.5 Splenda packets. And it's pretty good. When I get straight up coffee, I have to add half & half. I hate coffee with milk. And thanks to my Grandpa (who taught me how to make a delicious cup of coffee), I end up adding a good amount, plus sugar. So when all is said and done, my coffee is probably around 100-130 calories. Which is frustrating. My latte was 140 calories. And it had a lot less sugar and a lot less fat. I can get a small for exactly 100 calories.

I wish I could drink coffee black. I've tried numerous times, but I just can't do it.

Today's plan:

Latte (100)
Diet Coke (0)
Sugar-free Gum (<5)

And then around 4:00 pm, I have an apple and peanut butter (180). Then I'll try to pull the I-ate-lunch-really-late-so-I'm-not-hungry card to get out of dinner. It's been far too long since I've had a day under 300 calories. That's my goal for today.

Goals! Plans! I am in control. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.