118

118.6 lbs.

It's been six years since I last saw that number. Six long years.

I was 20 years old, and I was a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law's January wedding. Two weeks before Christmas break, I relapsed. Because, see, I was going to see my mother in two weeks. I was going to cross the 1,000 mile buffer I had put in between us and she would see me.

And I COULD NOT see my mother while weighing 125 lbs.

I stopped eating again. Panic made it easy. I got down to 118 lbs in two weeks. I was in the wedding. My collarbones and shoulder blades looked stunning in my dress.

My mother asked me if I'd lost weight.

I said yes.

She told me I looked beautiful.

And she meant it, she really did. I can't remember another time where my mother has told me I looked beautiful and really meant it.