i can't remember what being warm feels like

I am cold all the time.

For a while, it made sense. Everyone else was cold too. I live in the Frozen North, and when the temperatures plummeted to -30° F, it was normal to be cold. In my past fat winters, I've been fine as long as I just wore long sleeves and a warm jacket. This winter I had to pull out my long underwear. I would go to work wearing long underwear under my jeans and under my shirt. Then a sweater over my long sleeved shirt over my long underwear. And a scarf. Sometimes a hat. And I'd still be shivering. Even when I would literally be sitting on the heater.

Now it's starting to "warm up." Which is what we call 20° F. I'm still cold. My co-worker has started complaining about the temperature of the office. Customers who come in have been remarking about how warm it is in here. I'm over at my desk contemplating putting my jacket on because I can't get warm. I've been drinking a shitload of tea just to have something hot in my hands and my stomach.

And now there's been a new development. Lately about 20 minutes after I work out, I'm suddenly freezing cold. Like the kind of cold that comes from inside of you. It's like my bones are made of ice, and no matter how many layers I put on, I can't get warm. My hands in particular get so cold, I swear they should be turning blue.

I did some googling (because I'm a hypochondriac) and found some forums where people talked about that happening due to carb depletion. Basically it means you're not eating enough and your body kind of freaks out.

A slow grin spread across my face.

Carb depletion! 

I'm not eating enough!

Those words were sweeter than the Cadbury eggs I binged on the other day.

I've been irritable lately. I've had trouble focusing. I've been so tired. Today in particular, my brain is just in this thick fog. I'm not getting much work done. I just want to crawl under my desk and close my eyes.

But I weighed in at 119 lbs this morning for the first time in a week or so. And I'm determined not to go up again. I want to go down. These are just minor inconveniences. I can handle being cold. I can handle being tired. I'm only 9 lbs away from my first goal. 9 lbs! I can do this!