dear life, please just leave me alone

The sun came out today. It crept through my blinds and woke me up this morning. It danced across my face as I lay in bed and wished I was dead.

I used to think I had Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I'm slowly realizing that my particular brain doesn't give a shit if the sun is out or not. 

I don't know why today is a bad day. I don't know why my brain decided that today, February 17th, 2013, would be a day where I felt like everything was just too much, too heavy. It's days like today that I feel like I'm in this thick, dense fog. Everything around me is slightly dim, slightly muffled. I just want to curl up into a ball, close my eyes, and pretend I'm anywhere else. 

But life keeps trying to grab my arm, shake me, get my attention. Life gets in my face and screams at me.

"You need to deal with this problem. You need to make this important decision. You need to discuss this issue. Look at me! Listen to me! You can't hide! You can squeeze your eyes shut and cover your ears, but I can still see you!" 

Food has no appeal to me today. I want to find the darkest deepest hole and hide at the bottom. I want to get in my car and drive somewhere really far away. I can't face you today, life. I can't listen to you. I can't deal with you. Please just leave me alone.