i am too old for temper tantrums, but i wrote this anyways

I remember as a child curiously examining the shed skin of a snake. It was almost beautiful, thin and papery. It crumbled beneath my fingers.

I am scrolling through Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and I'm suddenly angry at people I hardly even know. I feel like I'm being bombarded. So I click viciously through them. Unfollow. Unfollow. Unfollow. I can't stand another second of seeing their lives, their thoughts, their advice.

"There’s no point in constantly worrying about everything. What will happen will happen anyways. So breathe, look on the bright side, have some laughs, fall in love, accept what you can’t change, and carry on. To actually live is courageous. Most people exist, that is all."

I am not encouraged or uplifted or enlightened. Just angry.

UNFOLLOW.

I am tired.

I am tired.

I am tired.

Everything is too big. Too much. And I don't want it to be fixed. I just want to be angry. I want to stomp my feet and scream like a toddler. I want to crawl under the covers and stay there, real life be damned. I want to cancel all of my appointments and never see another doctor or therapist or psychiatrist or dietitian again.

I have a pill for this, but instead of taking it, I'm just really fucking irritated that I have pills for this.

I miss having secrets.

I miss having everything contained.

I miss my freedom to make my own plans.

I wish I could shed my skin and leave it behind, but I'm trapped in it.

So instead I'm just angry.